listening to: think of england – iamx
watching: Wallace & Gromit
thinking: far too much
urghhh. I feel kind of annoyed and tired. why write a blog about it, tell someone who cares hey.
I have been working on a series of canvases featuring the members of Bloc Party (all hail!), today I finished them but I feel that the last one I did is absolute crap, so crap in fact I’m not going to post it because it’s embarrassing. I thought your artistic skills were meant to improve with age/more practise, appears not. I just cant get the face right and Ive analysed it so much that its becoming ridiculous I can’t get it right no matter how hard I try, I know I know you’re meant to leave it and not look at it and then come back and I know that works on occassion but I want to fix it right now! I’m pissed because they didnt turn out as good as I thought they would as good as they looked in my mind and I wonder if thats a problem that a lot of creative types have and if so how can we ever really be satisfied? (I figure there should be a full stop there somewhere! But as I learnt in my creative writing days you can write the way you want break the rules and dont use punctuation!)
Anyway, back to what I was on about. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and it’s really getting to me, i’m going through a mid life art crisis and feel like sometimes giving up but if i did that i’d certainly have nothing and be nothing and i cant stay away from it for long because it’s my love i suppose. and how I hate it too.
another thing, everything i do seem to look the same and i know thats what people call ’style’ (as milton glaser said, there is no such thing as style!) that defines who you are as an artist and where you are headed in but dont you people feel so restricted by your style! I know I am but I cant change the way I do things and that annoys me too because I want to be different and try different things but I just let my work guide me into the same place it does all the time. sometimes i feel that place is nowhere.
sometimes i feel like im going in circles
sometimes i feel like pulling my hair out
